You have questions about clutter clearing. Here are the tough love answers you need.
This is an excerpt from my new book, RADIANT: EMBRACING YOUR POWER AND BEAUTY AT MIDLIFE.
(Because, YES – of COURSE there is a clutter clearing section in this one, too.)
I have been talking and writing and cheerleading about clutter clearing for so long that I know the questions you may be asking about it, and I also know the answers that you need.
Q: My partner has more clutter than I do (or just as much, or at least a substantial amount), and I can’t get them to clear it, or at least I know it won’t be easy. What do I do?
A: Don’t worry about their stuff. Just worry about your own. Even if their storage takes up the majority of the garage and yours takes up just a modest corner, go through the boxes in your corner. Then move on to the other places you have the freedom to clear without their participation: the closets, the drawers, cupboards, medicine cabinets, glove boxes, refrigerator shelves, etc. Once you’ve honestly cleared all your own clutter, and all the stuff you have the freedom to clear independently, then you can come back to me and complain about your partner’s stuff.
But I bet you never will because, most often, clearing your own stuff actually inspires your partner to clear their stuff, all on their own initiative. The other good news is that even when that doesn’t happen, you’ve succeeded at getting your own energy unstuck to such a powerful degree, you’re feeling so amazing you don’t really care.
Q: What if I have so much clutter and so little time?
A: First, less clutter in your home actually translates to more time in your day. And not just because it’s easier to find things. The best I can figure, this some sort of mysterious quantum time/space thing. I don’t understand it, but it’s real. But you don’t have to believe me! Try it and you’ll know what I mean.
Second – and I know I’m directly contradicting Marie Kondo here – you don’t have to do it all at once. You may, at some point, get so obsessed that you can’t stop and won’t stop until you’ve gone through every single cupboard and drawer. But it’s more important that you just get started. Start with one limited space, or set the timer for however much time you have to spare. Then simply start, and clear until it dings. Then start again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. With each individual drawer you clear out, or each 10-15 minutes you spend going through stuff, the more energy will get freed up in your life, creating a momentum that makes it that much easier to continue.
Third, I want you to remember the power of “the flow state.” We might think we’re recharging out batteries when we’re scrolling through Instagram or binge-watching Yellowjackets, but in fact, science shows that we’re much happier when we’re actively engaged with something challenging and concrete – an actual project that has a beginning, middle, and end. My point is that instead of thinking of clutter clearing as just more grueling work, consider it an uplifting, enriching, worthwhile way to spend your time – like knitting, or dancing, or meditating.
Speaking of getting into the flow state, clutter clearing goes great with music. Clutter clearing and music are similar in that they both move energy around in harmonizing and uplifting ways. So play your playlist (adding to it or tweaking it as desired), or just play whatever music feels right to you each day.
Q: How do you know if something is clutter or not?
A: Before Marie Kondo asked you to ask yourself “Does it spark joy?” I was telling folks to notice: does it give you energy, or does it take energy away from you? Hint: if it’s just sitting on your shelf collecting dust or crowding your closet and taking up valuable space, it’s probably taking energy away from you.
I also like to tune into my body and emotions. If I imagine, hypothetically, holding onto this thing, does it drain me a little? Does it feel like a burden? And if I imagine, hypothetically, letting go of this thing, do I feel freer and more energized?
Q: What if you let go of something and then regret it later?
A: Does this sometimes happen? Yes. Is it the end of the world? No. It’s fine. Experiencing the occasional second thought for this blouse or that book is worth the monumental spaciousness and clarity of living in a clutter-free home. In short, get over it. Trust me, it’s fine. You just can’t let the fear of such trifling regrets hold you back from reclaiming your power and your personal space. Besides, it’s not the end of the world if you need to buy it again.
Q: What about gifts?
A: If it’s a gift and you love it, there’s no problem. Keep it. But if it’s a gift and you don’t love it, get rid of it. I don’t want to live in a world where I owe it to everyone who ever decided to give me a gift to hold onto said gift for every single day of the remainder of my life. That would be like some sort of fairytale curse, like those freaky red shoes that make you dance and dance until you die. I like to think the s is not what the giver would have wanted for me (or you).
Q: What about sentimental stuff?
A: Again, if you truly love hanging onto something – if it makes you feel happy or satisfied to hold and gaze upon it – there’s no issue here. Keep it! Otherwise, surrender to the flow of time. Just as we are forced to let go of yesterday and the day before, let go of the detritus of former days. This will allow you to fully open up to your beautiful present and promise-filled future.
Another option: You can also take pictures of stuff, or scan them digitally, for posterity.
Q: What about stuff my kids (or parents or whomever) put in my basement (or garage or attic) because they don’t have storage space of their own?
A: Nope! Call ’em up. Tell ’em to get it out.
Okay, if it really is temporary and you’re doing them a favor – say your daughter is traveling for a few months before coming back home to settle down – maybe. But so often, someone storing their crap in your space is something else entirely. It’s an unhealthy relationship dynamic made visible. It’s codependency in the form of stuff.
This has to stop. You aren’t the go-to housing facility for everyone’s old throw pillows. But you know who is? Goodwill. So you know where to take all that stuff if your family member or friend doesn’t pick it up by such and such a date. (Pick the date and then make your boundary abundantly clear. Time to get those mad queen skills fired up.)
Q: What about storage spaces that are outside of my home? Does that also count as clutter?
A: Absolutely it counts as clutter. And you have to ask yourself: how much do you really love that stuff if it’s been sitting outside of your home all this time untouched? It sounds like it’s time to haul all of it to the thrift store. Added bonus: you can stop paying for mini storage or taking advantage of a friend’s or relative’s space (see above).
Okay, okay, let’s say you actually love some of that stuff that’s sitting in mini storage or your poor old mom’s basement. What are you doing keeping it hidden in a musty old box or locked away in storage? Get it out of there! Hang it on your wall or in your closet or whatever.
Q: What do you do with clutter?
A: Most often, you donate it somewhere. Sometimes it’s actually trash, so you throw it out or recycle it. Possibly a friend or family member might want some of it. It’s also possible that you’ll want to have a yard sale or clothes swap, or maybe you’ll want to sell some of your old books to a used bookstore or sell some of your other stuff on eBay. But if you’re thinking of selling any of your old clutter, I would just say: don’t use this as an excuse to procrastinate. If it’s going to take longer than, say, a week for you to get moving on your plans to sell something, it’s not worth the risk that that week will turn into two, and then a month, and then a year. Just get it out, okay? Reclaim your life from the mess. You deserve to be free. Onward and upward, dear queen!
Here concludes this excerpt. For lots more queenly wisdom, get RADIANT: EMBRACING YOUR POWER AND BEAUTY AT MIDLIFE.
Do you have a question you don’t see here? Ask away! (As long as you really want to know the answer, because you know I won’t mince words.)
I rearranged my south facing area and it looks spacious and fresh but….i feel like the crystals are not getting the moon energy like before. I miss the old layout and the coziness of it. It looks streamlined and sleek now but it doesn’t capture my visiin of comfort and home sweet home. I had a vision recently about the area. I saw that I moved the crystal display area back to their original center south spot and there was a new additional feature added to the southeast corner. I saw an apothecary like shelf , display case with herbs, candles, books. I recently splurged and got a candle, soap, wild crafting book and dreamed I was creating these projects. I don’t know where to begin but if I don’t start now , I probably won’t. So many roads snd paths to take in my creative career dreams. There are naysayers surrounding me, and there are people wanting me to begin a new path. Who would’ve thought space clearing would stimulate such ideas and dreams. While clearing clutter I played a playlist of “ordinary world” by Duran Duran, “come undone “ by Duran Duran, “To sir with love” by Lulu, many moody songs symbolizing change and letting go.
Redhen, so interesting! Seems like you are really attuned to the shift. A lot is happening astrologically right now too, so that may be tied in.