This is an essential secret to successful love magic, and a powerful magical act all on its own. Why not give it a try?
This is an excerpt from my book, Little Guide to Love Magic in the chapter entitled “Be a Love Magnet.”
When I was in high school and college, I was suspicious of almost everyone. I suspected most people of not liking me. Conversely, I was not quick to offer my own approval. I was usually quite ready to dislike and disapprove of others. When I met someone, I basically thought (though not in so many words), “What flaws can I find in this person? In what ways are they unworthy of my friendship?” I didn’t think they would like me, so I guess I wanted to beat them to the punch.
Then one day I came across a wonderful little book by Florence Scovel Schinn called Your Word Is Your Wand, in which I discovered this little gem of an affirmation:
I love everyone and everyone loves me.
At the time, I was working in a fancy restaurant as a busser, and I was not loving it. In addition to not loving the dirty dish aspect, I was also not loving my boss. I was not loving the diners. I was not loving the servers or dishwashers or cooks. I was pretty much grumpy and standoffish all around.
But I decided to try this affirmation. Because why not? What did I have to lose? It was an experiment, really.
So instead of walking around the dining room and kitchen amid a constant backdrop of depressed, insecure, and irritated thoughts, I began thinking, over and over and over again:
I love everyone and everyone loves me. I love everyone and everyone loves me.
I must have thought that phrase hundreds if not thousands of times over the course of a day.
In a surprisingly short time (three or four days, maybe?), everything began to change.
Did everyone start loving me? While I can’t say for sure that they did, my guess is yes, they did, or at least quite a bit more than they had before.
But we’ll get to that in a minute, because that wasn’t the best of it. The best part was that I started loving them. And that was a delight! Looking around and deciding to love people instead of disliking them was an absolute joy. In turn, the people around me sensed it and quickly transformed into my friends and allies. The affirmation helped me realize that because I can never know what someone thinks of me, I may as well assume they love me, because that will melt my defenses enough for me to open up to loving them, which is actually (who knew?) the best. Choosing to look around and love the people you see changes everything.
Loving everyone makes you more attractive, in every sense of the word. It turns you into a love magnet. Not just a magnet for the love of your coworkers and bosses and customers, but also for self-love and friend love and passionate, romantic love—not to mention money! I was promoted to server and more than doubled my income shortly after I began repeating the affirmation.
So why not try this: for at least the next seven days, embark on this experiment. Over and over and over, mentally repeat the phrase “I love everyone and everyone loves me.” Of course, you’ll forget sometimes, and sometimes you’ll need to concentrate on other things, like meetings or conversations or getting the appetizers out before the meal. But whenever you comfortably can, return to the phrase “I love everyone and everyone loves me.” Experiment with treating everyone you know and everyone you encounter as if they do, in fact, love you, and as if you do, in fact, love them too.
This is also a good general philosophy to apply to all social situations. For example, at parties, so many of us default to feeling self-conscious and wanting to disappear. But if we can consciously override that self-consciousness and instead decide to delight in loving everyone and daring to believe that they love us too, parties become what they’re intended to be: fun! When I go to gatherings now, I still feel that suspicion I felt as a busser all those years ago, but then I choose to remember that everyone else probably feels that way too, at least a little bit. So I decide to love everyone and to expect to be loved in return, and everything changes.
Applying this philosophy across the board to everyone you come into contact with, as much as possible, will make you into a love magnet. So if you’re in a relationship, apply it to your relationship. Love your partner as fully as you can, right now, exactly as they are, and expect them to love you back. In this emotional environment, relationships with positive potential will be more likely to flourish, just as any of your relationships that are not in integrity will be likely to fade away.
If you’re single and working magic to find a partner, it’s a great idea to use the “love everyone” method wholeheartedly with every date, every potential date, and every sexy stranger you happen to meet. Decide to love them first and appreciate them in the moment, and expect to be loved and appreciated in return.
But hey, whether you’re in a relationship or not, I’m not talking here about doing anything you’re not comfortable with. Loving everyone doesn’t mean you need to have sex with everyone or marry everyone or do anything at all in the physical world. Please know that I wasn’t going around kissing my coworkers in the restaurant where I worked. I’m not talking about marrying everyone. I’m talking about adopting a philosophy of love. I’m talking about simply and silently emanating a steady stream of unconditional love and approval to the very best of your ability, as often and as generously as you can.
And there’s no need to load this up with any baggage! You can love someone fully, as they are, without being in love with them, or needing anything from them, or even needing to see them again. On the other hand, if you’re meant to be together forever, then when you decide to love them fully, in the moment, without stressing about the future or trying to control it, you will be creating the perfect conditions for love to blossom, and the future will take care of itself.
So what do you think? Are you going to give this experiment a try? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Also check out Before You Work Love Magic, Do This and Self-Love Attunement.
This story and picture depicting it reminded me of my mom who passed away during Covid. She would always bake treats and create Asian pickled veggies for the neighbors and family. She would put music on sing, dance, place the foods on our altar, lighting incense, being all smiles whenever creating her food. My mom always said “love your enemy, love everyone and love will come back multipled “ with her limited English she managed to share asian foods with Others. She said that when trying to communicate she always pictured them as God’s light within. She said that sending love to all brings blessings to all and is one of her biggest beauty secrets. My dad always said that my mom was the most beautiful woman he would ever love. He said that many times a day to her till the day he died. He passed at almost 100 years old, she was 93 years old.
Tess Whitehurst says
Redhen, this is so beautiful! I love it so much.
Mohit Sharma says
Love everyone is the best weapon to win every battle in the world. Your article is no different from that we have to love everyone irrespective of caste, color, creed. And Bible also says that we have to love everyone, in the same manner, we love ourselves and not judge anyone. I would like to thank you for reminding me again through this article. I really appreciate it.
Thanks & Regards
Tess Whitehurst says
Mohit, thank you for reading and for your kind words! I’m glad the article resonated.
Love this Tess – a great reminder of the person I used to be ( and wish I had known this secret back then !) In University I was so shy and self conscious but tried not to appear so, and so I would walk tall and try to look confident striding down hallways etc. Years later I learned that people thought I was a snob or were too intimidated to talk to me – which was shocking – because those same people describe me now as “the sweetest gentle soul.” If only I had allowed myself to be vulnerable and show my natural love for others back then I would have had a completely different educational experience. The things we wish we could tell our younger selves… 😉
Tess Whitehurst says
Hi Heidi! Yes, totally. But it’s great that we’re learning as we go. That’s all we can do. Thanks again for reading and connecting.